Wuxi: Screw Tibet, Where’s My YouTube?

Right now in Red China we can see firsthand the outcome of socialistic policies. All you Americans take note. According to the news we get, the Tibetans are the shitdisturbers, and the Communist Party is the public’s protector, and YouTube is inharmonious.

Why the Reds gotta slaughter all those Tibetans? Are they gonna move on Taiwan next? Just give me back my YouTube and I won’t say nothin’.

March 17, 2008

English is Everywhere: A Response to a Journalist (er, Prostitute)

My published response to “English Will Fragment Into ‘Global Dialects'”, by Laura Clout,The Telegraph, March 7, 2008:

English has never been standardized, even though a quasi-attempt has been made with Received Pronunciation. However, RP is simply an aural standard practice by an elite segment of the population and doesn’t apply to grammar or spelling.

Clout’s article makes a jump-cut of sorts, from British English to it’s implications for American English as a global standard:

“In future, users of global Standard English might replace the British English: ‘I think it’s going to rain’, with the Indian English: ‘I am thinking it’s going to rain’, Prof Crystal argues.

This could spell the end of the dominance of American English as the prevailing language of international affairs.”

How does she or Dr. Crystal make this projection? This is irresponsible journalism.

As a TESOL educator with extensive travel experience, I can attest that most curricula in EFL classrooms is published in the UK, and foreign administrators still ignorantly associate the word “English” with “England”.

American English, while more traditional, is frowned upon. Eyebrows raise when I teach articulation of final r’s, aspiration in wh- words, and retention of the flat a sound in words like “can’t”.

American English was brought to the states a few hundred years ago. Our distinct dialect is a reflection of the old language. British English has modernized. Both have simplified over the years, note the changes above and the Great Vowel Shift in the United States. Both are valid and understandable, yet neither are the global standard.

It’s important to recognize the existence of differing World Englishes, however the examples provided are not exactly that. True, the Indian proclivity for present continuous tense with state verbs is a marked dialect of English. Singlish, Taglish, Chinglish,Spanglish, and so forth are not varieties of English, but evidence of linguistic code-switching and code-mixing among diverse cultures. I’m sure Dr. Crystal knows this, but the interviewer didn’t ask for clarification. That’s the irresponsible part.

Laura Clout has written about an interesting topic, but has failed to do her homework. The diversity of English dialects is old news, and the notion of a “Standard English” is an imperial myth.

English is everywhere, and noone owns it. That should be the main point.

My yankee two cents.

Wuxi: How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dog

It’s hard to think dialectically about China Triangle living, as even the cons can
be turned into pros. This is one thing you’ll learn if you move to China, that
every crisis provides an opportunity. Here are some of my wife and I’s
observations on what will happen to you if you emigrate to China:

Traffic: Hair-raising for pedestrians. You will develop a unique ability to walk
across traffic with the sleep still in your eyes. After a few taxi/bus rides
you will be numb to drivers’ shortcuts through opposing traffic and other
seemingly jackass moves. I already have dreams about being chased by the Reno
police back home for driving my sedan Chinese-style on Virginia Street.

Scooters: Most are electric which, while better for the air-we-breathe, are
silent projectiles that might bump you unawares. Some of them are “E-bikes”
which have a pedal assist. When the operator is not pedaling the pedals rotate
around the sides of the bike so be careful they don’t brush against you. It’s
kinda like being in the arena during Robot Wars.

Food: Requires bravery, an iron stomach, and an ability to recognize Chinese
characters. Outside of the touristy areas you no longer have pictures on the
menus so this is critical if, for example, you want pork 猪肉 instead of dog 狗肉 , as the left-hand radicals are similar.

Stares: The elderly remember the pre-Tianmen days when foreigners were all
suspect. So they will usually stare at you in public. Everyone else stares for
reasons of curiousity, I suppose. For example, your shopping cart will be
stared at constantly. It’s best just to smile, even if you want to slap them
around like I do when the perves stare at my wife. 你看谁？–, I ask …. who you looking at? Privacy is a little different here.

Garbage: You will find many public spaces are filthy, but private spaces are
spotless. So while you may take off your shoes to enter someone’s home, you can
spit and cough and vomit on the streets without repercussions. Go figure.

Antiquity: The Chinese have historically liked erasing history to modernize, and
this is sometimes depressing. However, you will find some relic
buildings,temples, and etc. tucked away in niches throughout the cities.
Usually, just when we are exasperated with the traffic and the smog and the
crowds of people we find something antiquated to relieve our stress. For
instance, behind a billboard you might find a Ming dynasty bachelor’s garden
with ponds and bridges and a teahouse. Or behind an industrial district you
will find an 88-meter Buddha on top of a hill looking over Lake Tai.

Cost of Living: We are amazed at how far we can stretch our salary. We earn more than an average white-collar worker in Beijing (5000RMB in 2007,
per the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences) and much more than the average
entry salaries of my graduating students. The only hard part, according to my lovely wife, is tempering our western tastes to reap the benefits of our comparatively
princely pay. We should be able to save some money while teaching here, but
are tempted by clothing, electronics, antiques, and other bargains along
the way.

Clothes for Big Men: It is very hard to find clothes or shoes for big or tall men here. Once here, you can always find a tailor to customize your clothes, if you want, however.

March 6, 2008