The Cultural Perversity Agenda

From M.R. Hammer’s The Intercultural Development Inventory (IDI): An Approach for Assessing and Building Intercultural Competence, in M.A. Moodian (Ed.), Contemporary Leadership and Intercultural Competence: Understanding and Utilizing Cultural Diversity to Build Successful Organizations (in press) :
“Individuals at the Acceptance level are typically curious and interested in cultural differences and committed to the cultural diversity agenda.“

An infamous charlatan on the intercultural scene, who uncannily bears a resemblance to Dr. Monroe on The Simpsons, makes much talk about aligning the global workforce to the “cultural diversity agenda”. The presence of a definite article directly implies that we should all understand what this agenda is, and indirectly implies that we should accept it as a good thing. He’s even got 2×2 matrices to hammer these implications in, no pun intended.

Now, before we take the sage’s regimen of psychometric tests and debriefing sessions, and weaken our resolve until we no longer question, let’s take time to ask:

What exactly is this cultural diversity agenda, anyway?

Intercultural Weasel Advice

From Scott Adams’s Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel (2002):
“Weasels are always eager to give unsolicited advice on topics as diverse as romance, work, and advanced satellite telemetry. But it’s not because weasels like to help. It’s because when you give advice, it makes you feel wise even if you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

An upstart intercultural consultant at one of the world’s largest software companies recently told me that when we say to someone:

“You’re lying!”

the judgment is too personalized because it interprets the action of the addressee. So, if we truly want to resolve conflict, it is a better practice to focus on our own actions, perhaps by saying:

“I think that you’re lying.”

I tried that with my wife, who’s from a much different culture than mine, that same night. Wrong move!

After three nights sleeping on the couch, I learned a valuable lesson: Beware of intercultural weasel advice.

D.I.E., D.I.E, D.I.E!!!

From M.R. Hammer’s Solving Problems and Resolving Conflicts Across the Cultural Divide: The Intercultural Conflict Style (ICS) Inventory Workshop (2007):
“Reframing is initiated through conscious application of the D.I.E. . . .move parties down the D.I.E. ladder from evaluation to description.”

One of the intercultural conflict resolution methodologies passed down to communication coaches at one of the world’s largest software companies is memorized by a spooky acronym, D.I.E.:

1. Describe
2. Interpret
3. Evaluate

We’ll look at the particulars later, but think for a moment about what might happen if we coach our students to D.I.E. Is it culturally appropriate to remind our students of death?

Now, read the quote above and think about the framer of this acronym; his recommendation is actually to evaluate, then interpret, then describe the actions of those who you are in conflict with. In other words, the actual sequence is E.I.D., yet the catchy acronym D.I.E. is used to market this particular intercultural conflict resolution strategy.

Personally, I think we’d be a lot better off if our opponents would DIE; it would save us thousands of dollars in fees to intercultural charlatans like Dr. Hammer.

Wuxi: Screw Tibet, Where’s My YouTube?

Right now in Red China we can see firsthand the outcome of socialistic policies. All you Americans take note. According to the news we get, the Tibetans are the shitdisturbers, and the Communist Party is the public’s protector, and YouTube is inharmonious.

Why the Reds gotta slaughter all those Tibetans? Are they gonna move on Taiwan next? Just give me back my YouTube and I won’t say nothin’.

March 17, 2008

English is Everywhere: A Response to a Journalist (er, Prostitute)

My published response to “English Will Fragment Into ‘Global Dialects'”, by Laura Clout,The Telegraph, March 7, 2008:

English has never been standardized, even though a quasi-attempt has been made with Received Pronunciation. However, RP is simply an aural standard practice by an elite segment of the population and doesn’t apply to grammar or spelling.

Clout’s article makes a jump-cut of sorts, from British English to it’s implications for American English as a global standard:

“In future, users of global Standard English might replace the British English: ‘I think it’s going to rain’, with the Indian English: ‘I am thinking it’s going to rain’, Prof Crystal argues.

This could spell the end of the dominance of American English as the prevailing language of international affairs.”

How does she or Dr. Crystal make this projection? This is irresponsible journalism.

As a TESOL educator with extensive travel experience, I can attest that most curricula in EFL classrooms is published in the UK, and foreign administrators still ignorantly associate the word “English” with “England”.

American English, while more traditional, is frowned upon. Eyebrows raise when I teach articulation of final r’s, aspiration in wh- words, and retention of the flat a sound in words like “can’t”.

American English was brought to the states a few hundred years ago. Our distinct dialect is a reflection of the old language. British English has modernized. Both have simplified over the years, note the changes above and the Great Vowel Shift in the United States. Both are valid and understandable, yet neither are the global standard.

It’s important to recognize the existence of differing World Englishes, however the examples provided are not exactly that. True, the Indian proclivity for present continuous tense with state verbs is a marked dialect of English. Singlish, Taglish, Chinglish,Spanglish, and so forth are not varieties of English, but evidence of linguistic code-switching and code-mixing among diverse cultures. I’m sure Dr. Crystal knows this, but the interviewer didn’t ask for clarification. That’s the irresponsible part.

Laura Clout has written about an interesting topic, but has failed to do her homework. The diversity of English dialects is old news, and the notion of a “Standard English” is an imperial myth.

English is everywhere, and noone owns it. That should be the main point.

My yankee two cents.

Wuxi: How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dog

It’s hard to think dialectically about China Triangle living, as even the cons can
be turned into pros. This is one thing you’ll learn if you move to China, that
every crisis provides an opportunity. Here are some of my wife and I’s
observations on what will happen to you if you emigrate to China:

Traffic: Hair-raising for pedestrians. You will develop a unique ability to walk
across traffic with the sleep still in your eyes. After a few taxi/bus rides
you will be numb to drivers’ shortcuts through opposing traffic and other
seemingly jackass moves. I already have dreams about being chased by the Reno
police back home for driving my sedan Chinese-style on Virginia Street.

Scooters: Most are electric which, while better for the air-we-breathe, are
silent projectiles that might bump you unawares. Some of them are “E-bikes”
which have a pedal assist. When the operator is not pedaling the pedals rotate
around the sides of the bike so be careful they don’t brush against you. It’s
kinda like being in the arena during Robot Wars.

Food: Requires bravery, an iron stomach, and an ability to recognize Chinese
characters. Outside of the touristy areas you no longer have pictures on the
menus so this is critical if, for example, you want pork 猪肉 instead of dog 狗肉 , as the left-hand radicals are similar.

Stares: The elderly remember the pre-Tianmen days when foreigners were all
suspect. So they will usually stare at you in public. Everyone else stares for
reasons of curiousity, I suppose. For example, your shopping cart will be
stared at constantly. It’s best just to smile, even if you want to slap them
around like I do when the perves stare at my wife. 你看谁？–, I ask …. who you looking at? Privacy is a little different here.

Garbage: You will find many public spaces are filthy, but private spaces are
spotless. So while you may take off your shoes to enter someone’s home, you can
spit and cough and vomit on the streets without repercussions. Go figure.

Antiquity: The Chinese have historically liked erasing history to modernize, and
this is sometimes depressing. However, you will find some relic
buildings,temples, and etc. tucked away in niches throughout the cities.
Usually, just when we are exasperated with the traffic and the smog and the
crowds of people we find something antiquated to relieve our stress. For
instance, behind a billboard you might find a Ming dynasty bachelor’s garden
with ponds and bridges and a teahouse. Or behind an industrial district you
will find an 88-meter Buddha on top of a hill looking over Lake Tai.

Cost of Living: We are amazed at how far we can stretch our salary. We earn more than an average white-collar worker in Beijing (5000RMB in 2007,
per the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences) and much more than the average
entry salaries of my graduating students. The only hard part, according to my lovely wife, is tempering our western tastes to reap the benefits of our comparatively
princely pay. We should be able to save some money while teaching here, but
are tempted by clothing, electronics, antiques, and other bargains along
the way.

Clothes for Big Men: It is very hard to find clothes or shoes for big or tall men here. Once here, you can always find a tailor to customize your clothes, if you want, however.

March 6, 2008

Wuxi: Instant Coffee Rant (Why the Reds can’t crush U.S., Part 3)

Okay, it’s 9′ oclock in the fucking morning and fireworks are going off like it’s the rape of Nanjing with the Japs invading all over again. What gives here? Why they don’t blow their whole arsenal at midnight? Why couldn’t they put those firecrackers and M-80s to use two weeks ago to clear the road of all the snow they been whinin’ about? Why can’t my powdered coffee mix blend with hot water like instant coffee in the rest of the world? Why is Red China so bass-ackward?

New Year’s day in China. A bit like camping at Burning Man, only no hippies or naked people on bicycles. I’ll take the freaks back home, thank you.

February 6, 2008

Ermita: We Came Across a Fork (and Spoon) in the Road

It’s now the end of summer and before we ship out for a job, destination TBA, we are visiting the folks at home, Janice’s home that is. Papa has a cyst the size of his fist on his back, so it’s a bit of a family crisis now. Still we enjoyed a couple of nights visiting the barangay before holing up in Ermita, the tourist ghetto of Manila.

Ermita has turned out to be truly refreshing. We are staying in an old hotel with a friendly lobby. Lots of expats, westerners like me, making trips back and forth to Angeles and Puerto Galera, with their asawas and sometimes their children in tow. The food is good and plentiful.

This is a nice place to finish the summer, despite our quandary. You see, from here we make a critical choice: to take a teaching post in Palestine or to try our luck in China. Will we be on a plane to Qatar or Singapore in the morning?

August 23, 2007

Causeway Bay: There Was a Young Couple Who Lived in a Shoe (box)

We are laying over once again in Hong Kong, taking care of business. The business of finding a full-time teaching job for the academic year has really been what this southeast Asian foray has been about. So far we’ve ruled out the peaceful Islamic empire of Malaysia, the racist overseas Chinese in Singapore, and the military state of Thailand. All had some opportunities, but treat my wife like she’s a bar girl or house cleaner. Malaysia’s got a real problem with fair treatment of women, period. Singapore is truly more racist than the California foothills of the Sierra Nevada. Thailand is an overrated hippy hell-hole. China, despite being communist, has been a good host each time. Hong Kong would be great if we were part of the international banking elite, which we are not. Lest you think that we are rich and ambling about without a plan, read on

Cheapskate travellers in Hong Kong, whether on the Island side or the peninsula of Kowloon, know about mansion living. Mansions are huge labyrinths of tiny shoebox dwellings in high-rise roach towers, to put it mildly. For the price of a Travelodge room in the States, you get an ultra-efficient room that requires feats of contortion and acrobatics just to manage everyday business. I mean everday acts like taking a piss or a shower or even turning on the bloody television set or recharging a cellphone require planning, agility, and a tolerance for spinal compression. If I want to sit on the pot while my wife brushes her teeth, my legs will get wet because the sink is too small for her and my legs have to go somewhere. If I get up in the middle of the night, I have to be extra careful I don’t break her bones as I gingerly pass over her snoozing body. And hell if our towels or sheets ever get washed. We are constantly cooperating to keep things aired out and even have to change clothes one person at a time. If there is a fire in the building, we’re toast. God, I miss building safety codes and other things taken for granted in the good ol’ USA!

This time we chose a shoebox on the Island, so we can handle embassy business at various consulates without wearing out our heels on the MTR subway or sloshing around in ferry boats getting bumped by too many people in too much of a hurry. Causeway Bay, unfortunately, is not as economical as Mong Kok, because it is all about designer label clothing. Ack! It’s more fun to walk toward Wan Chai and imagine the old waterfront of the 1950’s, which has since expanded past Gloucester Road by development. The girly bars and neon signs and cheap eateries make this a real down-to-earth urban zone, away from the hoity-toityness of Central and the mid-Levels. It’s always the case, in my travels, that the red-light districts are where the real people hang out.

We were fortunate to have a lunch with my former Cantonese teacher, Hazel, and to say hello to Ricky, the elder tattoo master at Pinky’s Tattoo in Wan Chai. Ricky is the one who fixed my first misfit tattoo in 2005, and now he has me tempted to add a phoenix to my arm, for the price of a 10-megapixel digital camera. I told him maybe when we pass through again in the wintertime, after I earn some money teaching somewhere. We exhanged a few nice words, said “joi gin” and I know I’ll see him again. Good man, Ricky. Has decorated many a Triad in his day, and quite a few sailors and other derelict English teachers, I’m sure.

In some ways this adventure has reached it’s most stressful point. We need positive cash flow, and we need to get out of this expensive city or wind up homeless. My back is killing me from being sandwiched between two walls at a distance shorter than my frame. Janice sees homeless people on the street and worries that we’re gonna be with them soon, me playing the erhu while she passes around a coffee can for change. I tell her not to worry; I will provide. Inside I’m scared, but I can’t reveal this or she won’t sleep well. This is truly rough.

August 13, 2007

Mongkok: Our First Shoebox

Back in Hong Kong, our favorite city outside of our own countries! More correctly, we are in the continental peninsular part of HK called Kowloon (9 Dragons). Last winter, we escorted my mom though many shopping districts here, from our base in Tsim Tsa Tshui; this time we are camped slightly north where less tourists live and throngs of locals come to shop.

Saw Die Hard 4.0 in Langham Place, after riding an escalator at least 4 stories high. Haggled for a new 802.11 card at the Mong Kok Computer Centre. Ate pork cheeks, fried fish skins, oysters congee, curry pies, and other local cheap eats. Explored the upstairs mystery shops in some of the electronics markets; found a few quality adult DVDs for our eyes only.

We were here for business, though: to find a job for the coming academic year. Talked with a recruiter about teaching in primary school; she quickly left for The Mainland and never followed up in email. Helped Janice start her own MySpace and Friendster pages. 24-hour wireless internet access is awesome!

August 8, 2007