Zhuhai: Land of English Schools From Hell

Zhuhai is a Special Economic Zone in China, behind the old Portuguese city of Macau. We are cooling our heels here while figuring out what to do next.

The bus ride here took us through the south side of the Pearl River Delta, where we saw more agriculture and less empty condo-building. Lots of fish ponds are extant, but Janice says they look uninspected and unregulated. She worked in such environments in her undergrad years at Mindanao State Unversity, where she was a marine sciences major, so I believe she knows what she’s talking about.

After checking in to our hotel, we allowed ourself to be fleeced by a taxi driver just to satisfy a KFC craving (everywhere we go the local fried chicken just doesn’t compare to the Colonel’s!). Then we supplied at the Jesco department store, had an ice cream on the street, and retired to our quarters for a long deserved holiday. Janice practiced her Hanzi (Chinese character writing) to augment her Mandarin language acquisition of the last 3 weeks.

On day two we slept in late, walked along the waterfront and then back to the Jusco department store for a McDonald’s lunch and to find some gifts for Ashley, my step-daughter in the Philippines. Had fun browsing in another upstairs stall in a computer mart for my slightly older godson (Lawrence, aka Little Lulu) in Texas. With my limited Chinese, I asked the proprietor something like “have no clothes kind of DVD you have not have?” Dang if we didn’t find a secret cardboard box with the most hardcore pirated skin flicks on earth. Little Lulu’d better hope our Filipino cousins don’t steal them first!

I’m reflecting on the role of social interaction in language acquisition, and how some of my informal techniques at the last summer school may have helped some kids out. They at least know more than the average KFC worker, who says “good morning” to foreigners no matter what time of day. If I return to primary education in China, I’d like to do some research in this area.

August 6, 2007

Dongguan: What if They Built a Suburb and Noone Moved In?

Dongguan is one of the major cities on the Pearl River Delta, in Guangdong Province of the People’s Republic of China, aka The Mainland. We are in a suburban area which is mostly empty, with construction of empty condos and shopping centers incessant. This place makes any allegations of Americans causing global warming with their SUVs and BBQs a moot point. Start unearthing asphalt in places like this, where edifices are built for speculation only, and stop bitching about my Lincoln Town Car in Nevada, I say!

Directly across from what Forbes magazine dubs the largest mall in the world, we are not convinced as we hark from the Philippines where mega-malls are truly MEGA and truly MALL. According to Merriam-Webster, a mall is either “an urban shopping area featuring a variety of shops surrounding a usually open-air concourse reserved for pedestrian traffic” or “a usually large suburban building or group of buildings containing various shops with associated passageways”; this place is neither reserved for peds or connected with passageways. To get around, one must hoof it through hundreds of meters of hot asphalt, or cross a busy expressway where crosswalks are merely suggested for the local leadfoot drivers. Additionally, the South China “mall” is mostly vacant, and those stores that do have merchandise are locked in darkened corridors with no sales staff in sight. Hands down, the ShoeMarts in the Philippines still hold the title of the world’s largest shopping malls.

More exciting than the faux world’s-largest-mall is the METRO, a single coop built in one building, where membership fees keep the cost down for everybody. If this sounds familiar it’s because it’s just like Costco in the States. This is a much greener alternative, and hella fun to push a cart around in looking for everyday practical items for cheap. And so what if it’s air-conned; half the fun is leaving the hot pavement of the South China Mall to browse in a refrigerator full of bargains.

July 12, 2007

Bangkok: Gateway to the Turd World

Hardwired at a backpackers hostel in the capitol of military-controlled Thailand; my 802.11 card has crapped out so the Aussie proprietor kindly let me jack in to his internet cafe router. Took a walk this morning to catch some early morning fresh air. Got some rank odors wafting about this ‘hood, I tell you what! Turns out early morning is when the hawkers set up their stalls, street cleaners hose down the blood and piss from the night before, and dogwalkers let their mutts go ballistic on sidewalks that are literally crumbling apart from neglect. Janice was slightly feverish, possibly from getting zapped by a mosquito in the lady’s shower, so we didn’t chitchat as we normally do when we walk. Later she commented that the streets in Ermita, Manila smell like a rose compared to the cesspool that is Thong Lo Soi. I must admit I won’t be able to stomach Thai food for a long time, which is a shame because I used to love it. Our favorite restaurant was a Malaysian joint called Kopi Tiam, which reinforces my conviction that we need more Malay restaurants in the United States.

July 5, 2007

Singapore: Overpriced and Overskanked

In S’pore, sweating in an Internet cafe with at least 50 grime-ridden PIIIs, no USB ports and a Buddhist shrine on the wall, I started this MySpace account. The ceiling fans of Heaven City wafted incense over us as I mused on how far networked computing has evolved. Back in the BBS days, when my sife was born, the PIII was the shizzle, now the PIII is shite. Paradigms change. Expectations change.

One night we were treated to chili crab by my friend Isaiah, who I met at a ryokan in Tokyo in 2004; afterwards we walked around Clark Quay, the former waterfront-whorehouse-godown area of seamen’s lore. Now it’s modernized with an atrium that would put Fremont Street, Las Vegas to shame.

In the Joo Chiat/East Coast Road neighborhood we found a Pilipino kitchen, Kusina de Pinoy, and ate letsyon (pork) for the first time since we departed Cebu City 3 weeks ago. We returned their a couple of times. Also on this corner, we tried a dish unique to the neighboorhood, a firm tofu filled with ground meat, onions and chilis. Very good.

After a week in a roach-walkup backpacker’s hostel, we were excited to leave even though we had to spend a whole day in Changi Airport. There we found an ethernet port and a Cat-5 cable in a gift shop.

June 26, 2007

Kuching: Cat Litter-box by the Sea

Kuching, the capitol of Sarawak in Borneo, is also the Malay word for cats. We are staying in the city center, within proximity of a fountain designed to look like cats at play. Near the waterfront, it is somewhat romantic until post-rain when the sewers overflow into the streets. The local food is great, however, and better than in Sabah, with more magic being done with chili peppers, coconut milk, and curry pastes. Unique to the region is laksa, a curried noodle soup with prawns that is highly addictive.

Kuching has alot more Straits Chinese than K.K., and this changed the dynamic considerably. For instance, I felt comfortable wearing shorts here but not so in conservative Sabah province.

On flying out of here, we observed part of the plane was held together with duct tape. I enjoyed watching the tape bubble up as air pressure strained it, but was slightly nervous at first. Duct tape is amazing, you know. Still, for that maintenance shortcut, we may not book a flight with Malaysia Berhad again.

June 22, 2007

Cebu City: My Audition for ‘Jackass’

Today I gave into my wife’s pressure and hired someone to remove my graying beard with hot wax. I theorized that eventually new follicles would grow and my next beard would be dark and youthful all over again, and that at that point she would stop nagging me about shaving.

Frankly this was so was so painful I had to abort this mission. I wanted to kill the lady waxer when she said I have a low tolerance for pain because this was like having your skin peeled off over and over again. I swore after this never to let another person touch my beard again, ever. My wife, like everyone else, will just have to accept my guapo salt-and-pepper face until they put me six feet under.

Damn, if this wasn’t the most stupid masochistic thing I’ve ever tried. Men, don’t ever try waxing!

June 21, 2007

Kota Kinabalu: First Taste of Shariah

Kota Kinabalu (K.K) is billed as the eco-tourist gateway to Sabah, Malaysia, in northeast Borneo. What we discovered, however, is that unless you can pay upwards of 100 bux/US a day to some shyster tour guide, the only wildlife you will see are rats and cockroaches. Unfortunately, we missed our photo op with a cat-sized rat that is reminiscent of the rodents of Market Street, San Francisco. Since we couldn’t pay the price of admission to the eco-tours, we were city bums for a few days, enjoying our wet-market/seafood-restaurant view and cooling off in undersized shopping malls. The local food is good, with true magic being done with chili peppers, coconut milk, and curry pastes. Fruit smoothies are everywhere, served fresh in huge tumblers. Ever try an avocado shake? However, a local scam is to place peanuts and napkins on your table without apprising you that you will be charged for these “extras”. So the trick is to bring your own napkins (which you should do anywhere in Asia, BTW), and to send back the stale peanuts no matter how starved you might be. Also, since K.K. is predominantly sexist, ie. Muslim, we had to get used to me being served food well before my wife, even in our “international” hostel and fast-food restaurants. See our photos of our frequent waiting for our plates to land on tables simultaneously; I almost fell asleep in a Kentucky Fried Chicken one night. On our last night, we cooled down in a karaoke lounge and flew to Kuching early the next morning.

June 18, 2007

Cebu City: Where Magellan Lost His Head (Literally)

In Cebu City we holed up in a hotel for 2 weeks, mainly to relax, while taking care of medical and dental checkups.

While here it has been extremely frustrating finding film for my 35mm Pentax K-1000 SLR and my old-school Yashica medium-format 120 camera, so I’ve shipped my anachronistic wares back to the barangay in Agusan del Sur. The rest of these blogs will probably be accented with so-so pics from my cellphone, an Asus V80. In its defense, the Asus is not too bad for a cellphone cam.

While here in Cebu City I finished my second draft of a book review for the TESOL Quarterly, and submitted it for peer review. Knock on wood, my critical review of “CALL Research Perspectives” will be my first scholarly publication. Knock on wood.

June 10, 2007

Barangay Maygatasan: The Green, Green Grass of Home

Our story begins in Agusan del Sur, where we were married in June of ’06. We visited family in my wife’s barangay, got good herbal massages from Ate Inday the healer, a beard trim with a straight razor, and even got to be with Janice’s kuya on his first airplane flights. The only disappointment is our karaoke machine was gone from our sari-sari store (Parker’s Blessings); the barangay council made us shut it down. We’ll have to buy more votes during the next election cycle, I suppose.

May 28, 2007

Bickle’s Adventure Begins: Exiled by Homeland Insecurity

Some folks choose the expatriate life. I was forced into this choice. United States immigration policy prohibits me from bringing my foreign wife home.  Seems there is an economic means test that us spouses have to pass before we can bring our families to our native America. Meanwhile, any Mexican who can sneak through the fence is likely to gain amnesty someday, despite their economic means. I hope and pray that we still have a great country to come home to; at this point the Republicans in charge have adopted liberal policies that are sending us into hell in a handbasket. My prediction is that the USA will become a mentally ill liberal fascist state, and that my promise to bring my wife to the greatest country in the world will no longer be possible to keep. As this blog begins, I’m scared of what will come, but rising to the occasion. Never let your government keep your family apart!

The journey begins with a long-ass trip to Butuan, in Agusan del Sur, from the biggest little city in the world, Reno, Nevada. This entailed a week of packing, filling 5 dumpsters with so much shit that the Reno garbageman has put out a contract on me, and losing some precious things like my late father’s gold wedding ring. Hint: don’t wear rings while shuffling packing boxes to and from Public Storage. After a long and excruciating journey, which almost meant an overnight delay in Lost Wages airport, I made it through Philippines immigration with only a one-way ticket. That means I’m truly stamped out of my homeland, whacked out from travel, and excited to reunite with my lovely wife.

Unbelievably, I am on an airplane right now. It’s been a hectic week, but the adventure has finally begun.

This adventure has a primary goal, to bring my Philippines wife to my home country of the United States. secondary goals are to gain overseas teaching experience, to see some of the world together, to bring perspective back to U.S. American classrooms, and to make a baby or two.

Now I’m starting the longest leg of the journey from Reno, Nevada, my home for the last 4 years, to the Mindanao barangay where my wife grew up. Vancouver to Manila is about 13 hours in the air, yet this particular flight is surprisingly comfortable considering it’s only Fiesta Class (economy) on Philippine Airlines. I’m at the end of a 4-seat row, and guy named Gary from Knoxville sits the other end. In short, we each have two seats to spread out in. In this case, high fuel prices are a godsend.

Well, my late dinner is here, after a day (a week, really) of hiblood. I hope to write more later, whether I share the details of the past week or just focus on The Now and The Future. The latter is more likely, as the hi-blood needs to drop.

By 2am of this flight, time shifts. Saturday never comes when you jump across the International Date Line. Time shift is one of the perks of Asian travel, and a perk that I enjoy.

A few catnaps and I’m less weary. This week has been rough: dropping heavy things on my feet repeatedly, aggravating my torn rotator cuff, pissing off the garbage man by filling 7 dumpsters, listening to my Turkish neighbor talk incessantly, calming my worried mom who questions incessantly, losing my late father’s wedding ring by sweating so much packing box picked it off, and abandoning so many possessions that were dear to me.  At least when we return, we’ll have less to move.

So now my earphones play English and Pilipino love songs, while i drink black coffee and review my notes/texts on Bisayan Cebuano, the poorly-documented mother-tongue of my wife’s family. Since I’m not laying over in the capitol, there is no need to review Pilipino notes this trip. I’m focused on acquiring Bisayan, by immersion into their culture.

After the barangay, we’ll live in Cebu City for a few weeks, primarily to take care of.dental and medical checkups, then we’re off to the northern Borneo cities of Kota Kinabalu and Kuching. We hope there is such a thing as a beach in Singapore for our anniversary of 6/28. Wife wants to see Bangkok, so the month of June will end in Thailand. I’ll be hunting or teaching jobs as we go, and we’ll both be assessing each country to see if it’s worth expatriating too.

To paraphrase an old hobbit, “We’re off on an adventure.”

May 25, 2007